Irony, Thy Name Be Sadist!
In the morning, when a normal person looks in the mirror, they see an imperfect being ready to make mistakes. Most people are okay with that, some aren’t. A sadistic being will see one of two things: a person ready to divide and conquer, or a heartless fiend eager to instill hurt. A pessimist will ultimately see the end of the world, a bad hair day, and the desperate need of a waxing without any of the time in which to do it.
I see me, a very imperfect being, lacking the essential tools of commitment for a long lasting and healthy relationship. There’s a short asain girl with dark brown hair staring back at me, wondering where the he** we went wrong and why on earth won’t my hair go the way it’s supposed to?
Looking at my friends, I figure I’ve got it pretty good, I mean out of all of them I’m the only one whose managed a somewhat sane relationship. I still have all of my individuality, and am still quite confident in my beliefs and practices. They get hurt by guys a lot, I celebrate with ice cream at break ups. Out of all of my boyfriends, not a single one has ever broken up with me. That’s almost weird.
Falling in love is impractical, it leads to senseless and impractical thoughts, usually coupled by a lack of work ethic and productivity. It’s hopeless and usually based on the "if you really loved me then.." phrase. I made a vow never to succumb to such stupid lowering of standards, or to break it off at first troubles because I don’t need that much chaos right now, and up until now, I’ve stuck to that pretty well. I date, I end, they hate me, life goes on.
Of course, I’ve never really known what it’s like, I mean how does it feel when you meet the person, and you look at them and some part of you just knows. You’d be willing to sacrifice almost everything for this person and spend the rest of your life with them. You’d be willing to change parts of you to make them happy or give up small parts of your dreams because they are the ultimate dream.
They may not be perfect, and you can see the shining imperfections but really that’s okay. You love them through their flaws, no matter what they do to you, no matter how many times it feels like they’ve stabbed you through the heart.
Here’s the funny/sadistic/horrid part. This same thing has happened to me, I have been toyed with like a small stuffed mouse in front of an angry spoiled kitten. My heart is that little catnip pouch that has just been stabbed, bitten, and ripped open to be exposed to someone’s own selfish needs. I can’t hate him or even really cry out in confusion because I understand it perfectly.
I can’t even have the glorifying feeling of directing misguided hatred at this person because deep down I know I’ve done the same thing. The most sickening part is I can understand it, I can understand this ripping of emotions and merciless cat and mouse game. I look at him, and even now I can still see the other as an enemy, but not him. Irony has had it’s evil little chuckle, and I can safely say that Karma "ain’t got nuttin" on sadistic Irony.
So yep, bloggers this is just me yelling out to the virtual universe. THIS ISN’T FAIR OR RIGHT. This is me screaming like a spoiled brat who didn’t get her way, because something isn’t working out, and there’s nothing I can do. This is me wishing desperately I was a different person and knowing full well that it won’t happen.
Sympathy is overrated. I don’t want that. This is just yet another endless vague rant of desperation. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it, even if we don’t know each other.
I see me, a very imperfect being, lacking the essential tools of commitment for a long lasting and healthy relationship. There’s a short asain girl with dark brown hair staring back at me, wondering where the he** we went wrong and why on earth won’t my hair go the way it’s supposed to?
Looking at my friends, I figure I’ve got it pretty good, I mean out of all of them I’m the only one whose managed a somewhat sane relationship. I still have all of my individuality, and am still quite confident in my beliefs and practices. They get hurt by guys a lot, I celebrate with ice cream at break ups. Out of all of my boyfriends, not a single one has ever broken up with me. That’s almost weird.
Falling in love is impractical, it leads to senseless and impractical thoughts, usually coupled by a lack of work ethic and productivity. It’s hopeless and usually based on the "if you really loved me then.." phrase. I made a vow never to succumb to such stupid lowering of standards, or to break it off at first troubles because I don’t need that much chaos right now, and up until now, I’ve stuck to that pretty well. I date, I end, they hate me, life goes on.
Of course, I’ve never really known what it’s like, I mean how does it feel when you meet the person, and you look at them and some part of you just knows. You’d be willing to sacrifice almost everything for this person and spend the rest of your life with them. You’d be willing to change parts of you to make them happy or give up small parts of your dreams because they are the ultimate dream.
They may not be perfect, and you can see the shining imperfections but really that’s okay. You love them through their flaws, no matter what they do to you, no matter how many times it feels like they’ve stabbed you through the heart.
Here’s the funny/sadistic/horrid part. This same thing has happened to me, I have been toyed with like a small stuffed mouse in front of an angry spoiled kitten. My heart is that little catnip pouch that has just been stabbed, bitten, and ripped open to be exposed to someone’s own selfish needs. I can’t hate him or even really cry out in confusion because I understand it perfectly.
I can’t even have the glorifying feeling of directing misguided hatred at this person because deep down I know I’ve done the same thing. The most sickening part is I can understand it, I can understand this ripping of emotions and merciless cat and mouse game. I look at him, and even now I can still see the other as an enemy, but not him. Irony has had it’s evil little chuckle, and I can safely say that Karma "ain’t got nuttin" on sadistic Irony.
So yep, bloggers this is just me yelling out to the virtual universe. THIS ISN’T FAIR OR RIGHT. This is me screaming like a spoiled brat who didn’t get her way, because something isn’t working out, and there’s nothing I can do. This is me wishing desperately I was a different person and knowing full well that it won’t happen.
Sympathy is overrated. I don’t want that. This is just yet another endless vague rant of desperation. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it, even if we don’t know each other.
Labels: Rant of the Century
posted by Mikira James at
11:42 PM
0 Comments
