The Princess and the Pea-Brain

What is it about guys that just don’t take a hint? When a girl says "no I never want to see you again and I hope you burn in [censored]!" It doesn’t mean "hey baby I love you call me later when I cool off a little." When a girl says that she wants to break up--- it means she wants to sever the ties, cut you loose, and burn that bridge, sink that boat, close that courthouse, and sell that farm. This is a non-negotiable and somewhat binding contract that says "thou shall move and not be a pathetic clingy loser who attempts to sweet talk his lammerz way back in.".
I bet all of you out there in the virtual land of blogger are wondering --- what could set this girl off to such extremes besides an immensely stupid guy? Try an immensely stupid ex boyfriend who tries to go through my mother to break down the impenetrable wall of "I never want to see your ugly mug again."
Okay so it starts out at a family restaurant, where I’m eating with yet another ex-boyfriend who I assumed to be a partial friend. He was gushing about his newest injury and how my boyfriend is a jerk, and I was mildly trying to tell him to back off. (It was a lost cause however so I eventually gave up on that note). Then he tells me that my boyfriend, my shining knight in alcoholic glory has been less than close mouthed about what we’ve been doing. I.e. He’s been telling everything we do WITH details to this guy--- NOT COOL! (Granted we haven’t done a whopping lot of stuff, but telling another guy about this in a narcissistic way is a blatant disrespect of my body and self. He didn’t even bother to tell me that he mentioned it or ask me for permission to mention it since it was between US.)
Oh my dearest bloggers, it gets even better! He then says that I’m the reason he’s drinking himself into a stupor again, and that I’m breaking his heart because I won’t put him above my job. My employment. My means of escape… Essentially, my metaphorical rope out of this dungeon tower back to sane people in the real world…. This is earth sending out a wake up call…… "HELLO STUPID TIME TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE FOLDGERS!"
My work and connections in this town are something I’m very proud of. I’ve worked very hard to move up the Wal-Mart corporate ladder, gain friends in management, impress management, and get a lasting place there should I ever consider wanting it when I become of age. I’ve been working since the sixth grade to establish some good connections that will help advance me if I ever come back to this place to teach. These people will give me great recommendations, not because I’m pretty or have a cute voice--- because I work my [censored] off to do a good job and I kick [censored] at what I do! I’ve been working years to get over my shyness and be able to talk to people and teach small groups. I’m seventeen and I’m already handling small groups. This is an achievement, a big one in this district.
After all of that hard work --- why on this slowly dying green earth would I waste all of my carefully applied time and effort to spend time with some guy who couldn’t even show a smidgen of commitment at college before he got wasted? He couldn’t even handle 3M (one of the best paying jobs in this town as well) because he thought it was boring. I have applied myself beyond all expectations to succeed, and he can’t even work somewhere unless his little alcoholic monkey brain is happy. He doesn’t understand you have to be good at what you do to like it, and you only get good at it by working hard and practicing.
This guy thinks I don’t have a sense of fun because I won’t join in the liver damage club and also become an alcoholic. (Never mind that I’ve told him repeatedly it’s against my religion and I won’t violate it. I didn’t have good experiences as a kid with people who drink too much and I refuse to put myself in a position where I could become one of those people who hurts others for senseless and dangerous past times.)
His idea of listening to me is responding to EVERYTHING with "that reminds me of the time I got wasted and…" I mean seriously one of our conversations was "I can’t come out tonight, my puppy is sick and I want to make sure she’s going to be okay." "That reminds me of the time I got wasted and I had to be over a trash can for hours.. but I survived, the mutt will too come on." "You don’t understand" "I’ve been in college, look it reminds me of the time…." Let’s just say the conversation standards couldn’t be put high because he’d flunk.
Not to mention he OBSESSIVELY stares at one of my friends while she’s working, tells guys who are playing a VIDEO GAME that they’re holding the toy gun wrong (freaked out much?), tries to correct people at work when HE’S the NEWBIE. Did I mention he’s addicted to a spice? Cloves. He reeks of cloves, his car reeks of cloves, even his bedroom absolutely and abhorrently REEKS of those stupid horrible tasting little things.
So finally, I’ve had enough, and I send him a text message (because oh wow that's the only way I ever really talk to him anymore) that says "I changed my mind about us it's over sorry". (harsh I know but I was in a less than calm state of mind) and he sends me this message --- "Okay, but I still want to talk to you to see if you're okay." like he broke up with ME!
I don't want to talk to him - in fact JJ kidnapped my phone and texted to him "I'd rather talk to JJ" (which is true) and he’s all "wow. That’s why we broke up because we couldn't talk". No [censored]... we broke up because you couldn't keep your super-size mouth shut or your large [censored] ego off the topic of your excessive drinking. Duh.
I don't want to hang out with him because I don’t want people to see us together and give me the same look that his mother gave me the first time she saw us together… "What are you doing? Why are you going that? You really need to rethink this…" I mean if his mother thinks this… what is the less understanding portion of society going to think?
I don't even want to admit that ever happened because heaven forbid that the mangers find out the weird ass cocky little brat in produce is my EX... I will deny it to my resignation day at Wal-Mart.... I have worked hard to get my raises and impress the managers and I’m not going to let some hormonal, self centered, drunk little idiot mess it up. I mean he went to work with a hangover how stupid do you have to be?! He even mentions we dated - I’m going to make a harassment complaint to the mangers saying that I do not appreciate such details being spread about the work place and he has no right to spread them. They are destructive to the work environment and they are not appropriate for such an atmosphere as dictated by the holy CBL’s.
Then he has the audacity to approach my MOTHER because I won’t talk to him and gives her this sob story about how: he just wants to hang out (or make out and suck on those dumb cloves), he just wants to talk to me (BS), and it's not fair that sixteen-year-olds just use him for experience. (That again I hit the fan about because I'M [censored] SEVENTEEN and not a [censored] sixteen-year-old! All of my friends know that and I expect my [censored] boyfriend to as well (pardon, my EX-boyfriend.). For the record, Canver could kiss a MILLION times better than him and he knew how to French better and at least I was physically attracted to Canver... as opposed to the short bug eyed little twerp who has the mouth of a bull frog. He also has the class and charm of a screaming howler monkey and the ultimate sex appeal of a dead sloth.
You DON’T tell my mother those things. It’s uncalled for, untrue, and immature. I know my mom knows that I’m not a perfect little angel but I would at least like her to know the truth, not the deluded fantasies of some 19-year-old [censored]. My mother knows I’m honest with her and it’s a complete insult that he thinks that she would believe some insinuated scandal from this walking mistake.
So no. I’m not going to give him closure, because frankly he doesn't deserve it. All he needs to know is that we broke up, and he needs to lose my number before I send Mandi after him. End of that grim fairy tale.

Fairytale Induced Depression Syndrome (FIDS)

Considering you are the average person, most likely considering what in the world you should do with your life, you’re probably wondering how on earth depression could stem from Fairytales.
Well, my fair weathered, or rather cooped up friend it’s simple. Fairytales stemming especially from Disney’s line of brain washing propaganda are known to put an unrealistically blissful end upon any story. Children grow up with such ideals of how love and the world should work and are forever brainwashed, thus happiness is but a mock ending away, and no man/woman is ever really truly good enough.
The ideal of a male lover/true love as described in Disney is someone who enchants every kiss with the same electrifying magic of fireworks, has a dashing smile, a strong sculpted body, and a wonderful sense of chivalry coupled with an uplifting personality. (Right there, if it stopped right here, you impressionable males would be safe… but it doesn’t… It gets so much worse.)
That sculpted body that looks too good to be true, can probably bench press any amount of weight and looks good whether it’s sweaty or handsomely dry. A year round beautiful golden bronze graces that undamaged skin and his lips are a perfect full shape that never seems to be chapped… Even in the raging and unrelenting heat of the desert states like California. His swim trunks fit just right because he’s gifted in all the right areas… His eyes can express sympathy, unhappiness, rage, understanding, and a firm devotion like an artist’s dream. Those eyes never stray to other women, except when talking to them in a friendly and non-flirtatious manner. They’re also framed with thick gorgous lashes that accentuate color, and his eyebrows are perfect and equally masculine.
A hunky frame is never complete however without the proper apparel, and this frame is always complete. His fashion sense is perfect, and he knows how to make a bargain shirt look like a million dollars. His taste won’t break the budget, it will probably improve it, while simultaneously looking FABULOUS!
This sculpted masculinity is not only breath taking in looks, his personality is one to kill for. He believes strongly in chivalry: opening doors, pouring wine, allowing the lady to enter/exit first, using impeccable manners, and assisting his lady when her good name is called into question. He is at her side to defend her whenever she needs it, and in the worst of times he won’t leave her side. Mr. Charming also won’t cheat now or ever because he’s really is in love with her and believes that true love conquers all lust (but of course he doesn’t have any of that for any other woman except the one he’s dating). He’s a good listener, but an even better conversation artist, able to give input and constructive criticism terms that could melt butter with its warm loving approach.
Men out there are laughing right about now, because if this guy is so great what are his talents? Surely he can’t be a master at that! (Guess again.) Romantically he can write a sonnet and a personalized and moving love song in a matter of minutes (complete with instrumental accompaniment. He won’t buy the card, he’ll make an even more beautiful and original card, with a lovely phrase or quote on the inside that will have her in happy tears in a matter of minutes. He cooks like a GOD, able to whip up any course in record speed that will taste like it took hours of TLC and preparation. He’s a hard worker, dedicated firmly to any cause he’ll take up, and is probably on the way to be the youngest owner of a company in a record 20 years.
Sports wise, he’s a connoisseur because he knows all his stats and sports like the back of his hand. He can dribble up a basketball court and make it in the hoop almost every time, hockey players cringe when they see him on the opposing team, and all sports teams are begging for him to join. (But he won’t because he’s got a killer job in the corporate industry and it’s too much time away from his family).
Stability wise, he’s the shining key to a beautiful city. In fact, he probably makes Prince Charming look cheap with a beautiful horse, mansion, AND car not to mention interior decorating that is not only sensible but classy and able to withstand the test of time. Although he is rich, he’s modest, and conserves his money for necessities or just small surprises to make her smile. He enjoys getting his hands dirty doing the work around the house, but will employ servants that he treats as dear friends. He uses his connections for only good, such as setting up a reservation at any restaurant or feeding African children that are suffering from malnutrition. Secretly he does more charity work that Angelina on a pot of extra caffeinated coffee.
Did I mention that when it’s the right time to propose or say those three scary words (“I love you”), he’ll do it at the right moment, with the perfect setting, and with exactly the right words and loving looks? He’ll put that sweet and charming ex-girlfriend second to his real girlfriend every single time.
He does have a healthy social life, but some of his favorite things to do are defiantly spend time with his honey. He loves going on picnics with her, reading books together, enjoying sunsets/sunrises together, even bike riding together (after all, exercising with two is more fun than being stuck in a lonely one!) When they’re not playing it up as a couple, he introduces her to a lot of new friends, and respects her right to spend quality time with just her friends and not him. He hangs out with so many people, that he just laughs and stays patient when she can’t remember all their names.
Family wise, he’s heaven sent. He works hard to educate the youngsters, keep the family happy and together… Not to mention get along with the in-laws. He suggests family get-togethers frequently, and always has rooms ready for surprise family visits. He can escape any meeting for any family crisis and will reschedule if something isn’t going too well at school. Mr. Charming is ready to tutor Sonny or Julie, or if they prefer, get the top of the line tutors to help them out. When mom-in-law or dad-in-law fall and get hurt, he’s the first to get the best doctors and secretly pay, pretending he’ll take a pay back when really he insists that family is there for each other in the best and worst times.
Basically, when put in the same room as this gorgeous hunk of man, she is putty in his hands, drooling, captivated putty.
For the few men out there reading this, I would like to ask you, set against these odds what are the chances you’re going to survive the test? Pretty low huh? Granted, you may get the girl to see past all of your flaws for a short period of time, but are you really going to be able to sit there and understand everything like Mr. Prince Charming? Will you be able to be nice at the time of the month and go “honey, why don’t I make you dinner? You sit over there and relax, you name what you want and it’s yours.”
When you make a mistake, are you going to be the first one to apologize or suggest a compromise that will sweep her off her feet? Probably not, because you have dignity that simply won’t let go because you feel that compromise could compromise your masculinity. There’s nothing wrong with that, any sensible man does have a firm belief in this, as they should! As hard as it is for you… consider what the female perfection is.
Okay instead of dwelling and listing off Ms. Charming’s qualifications and personality… How about I instead dwell on a solution point? I’m not saying that we should ban Disney or fairytales because everyone should have a healthy diet of joy in their lives. Instead I suggest watching a depression movie with you child every now and then so they fully grasp the reality of men and women. Perhaps delve into Grimm’s Fairy Tales with its morbid authenticity.
Make sure you inform your child the world is not perfect, but if you lower the standards a little bit (not too much because then they’ll end up with ex boyfriends like mine…*shudder*) they can live happy and full lives and really appreciate who they fall in love with. It takes work, effort, and patience, but it’s worth it!
Or better yet, get ready to buy a lot of ice cream for them and hope they learn on their own. No one likes depressing movies, and I doubt they’ll really listen to you unless they learn it on their own. Oh well!

Gay Marriage - Feel Free To Comment

My best friend and manager are bi and gay so I do have a more open view on this than I did a couple of years ago when it was only my brother that was out of the closet…. Let’s start with the biggest point…
Happiness, this is one of the best things to living a full and healthy life. It’s the ability to be mentally satisfied with your situation or condition, and feel resolve about your actions. It’s the warm fuzzy feeling that makes you want to drag yourself out of bed and face the day. My manager has this really great boyfriend and he truthfully couldn't be happier with anyone else. They’re involved in a really caring relationship, and of all the couples I know I honestly hope they do get married because they should be together for the rest of their lives and they should be able to tell people that they were married. Their relationship is the kind that gives hope to others that there is a perfect person for you, and that it just takes patience. Why should we tell people to suppress their feelings when it will only make them miserable? Would it be better in the bigot view for suicide numbers to continue to rise just because two men or two women are involved in a relationship that "us straight people" can't understand? This isn’t like waking up in the morning and saying to yourself "hmm, should I be gay today? Or should I go for the whole straight thing?" True love is just something that happens to you, whether you want it to happen or not.
What reasons could the government give for the suppression gay marriage? Well, how about financial cost for the societal whole? The Baptist Press noted that when the Queen of England legalized gay marriage in 2003, the financial costs for private business owners on same sex couples would be about $35 million in U.S. dollars. The cost to the government in 2010 would be an estimated $133 million and in 2050 it would be a whopping $425 million. Since we’re taking into consideration the lowering value of the US dollar and other currency, that doesn’t sound that horrible right? Well consider this… Great Britain has socialized health (US doesn’t) care not to mention that the U.S. economy (even back then) was about seven times larger….
Therefore, legalizing it here would be more expensive, it’s probably a given that taxes would raise and we would have a lot of unhappy taxpayers on our hands. Hold the phone on this argument as well, because if you really think about it do you have to fill out a sexual orientation on insurance forms? No, that would give insurance companies a presumed and present bias. (Which can open up a whole legal can of lawsuit worms.) Business owners must provide equal insurance converge for all their employees (how much depends on the state/company) and most of them already do. Then as Mr. Scott Bidstrup’s research found out, the "extra" money that businesses have to pay to ensure coverage is offset by a business investing gain of approximately 1.5% because they’re seen as progressive… and the American public likes progress as much as the Romans liked conquest.
Wait! This has another bonus for businesses as well, if you’re into financial magazines like I am, you’ll know that Forbes published an article on 04-05-04 that said the wedding industry would reap stupendous profits from gay marriages because there would be hundreds of couples ready and willing to hitch up. This means the caterers, formal apparel sales, party planners, wedding planners, appliance stores, perhaps even jewelry stores would be able to enjoy the booming business… Although it would take a couple of years for it to truly take effect… Here’s the best part, even the beloved churches who would allow these ceremonies would be happy because you do have to pay a fee to use the church and attain the services of the minister (unless things have changed recently to cut that cost… but I doubt it.)
Health care! Oh the horrors of needles and STD’s and all the good stuff of nice terrifying relationships that no one really understands. True there is a larger risk of getting an STD in a homosexual relationship IF (key word there) IF that person has had numerous partners… Do you know what other relationship can run high risks of AIDS or other STD’s? Heterosexual relationships where the guy and/or girl has also shared a sexual experience with numerous partners which is a good reason why you should never fall in love with a "player". Bottom line? Gay or straight, it doesn’t matter, it’s the number of partners that determines the risk of STD’s not the sexual orientation. Use your heads people. Furthermore why should the heterosexual people determine what is and is not okay for a homosexual person to do? It comes down to communication just like in any other relationship. Homosexuals are perfectly capable of walking to a health clinic and getting tested before getting sexually involved with one another. Their doctor can even provide some information on how not to pass their STD to their partner if it turns out they do have one. It is their body and therefore their legal right to enjoy what they want as long as it does not pose a viable threat to those around them. Who ever said that a celibate relationship was a bad one anyway?
Wedding bells are meant for heterosexuals only? The institution of marriage is a sacred right that has been long since heterosexual and should not be tampered with because it’s tradition? Well you know what? Racism and slavery were once traditional practices as well, and we’ve changed those without hurting anyone. In fact it’s actually helping our society out. Denmark has allowed same sex marriage for a number of years now and look, they’re not a bunch of incest ridden, STD mutated, bestial marriage practicing, polygamy embracing, uncontrollable freaks. In fact allowing this has actually reduced suicide rates, spread of STD’s, promiscuity and infidelity among homosexuals. In fact it’s actually benefited society as a whole over there… Now if only we could get all heterosexual relationships on that par we’d be good!
Okay then, let’s look the damaging attack of reproduction. God put Adam and Eve on this earth to reproduce and obviously Adam and Steve or Ally and Eve can’t reproduce. You know what they can do? Adopt from the millions of children who have been cast into orphanages with no parents or home to call their own. If a stipulation must be put on that as well, say the adoption must be from the United States so that those kids can finally have home and hope, both of which have been slowly ripped away by the increasing numbers of international adoption. This would be a step up from child molesters, convicted felons, and murders that are married and ARE allowed to keep their children and raise them. Or better yet look at the couples who are sterile and can’t reproduce. Should we tell them "oh sorry you can’t produce a child so we won’t produce your marriage license."? Or couples that have grown too elderly, or have become sterile thanks to some unlucky accident – should we rip away their marital rights as well because they are now unable to provide us with yet another child that will have be put on health care sometime in the future? That sounds just a smidgen bias to me… what do you think?
As for you who quote the Bible freely as explanation, I’d ask you to remember one fact. Your religion does not make up the entirety of this country, nor should it. There many people who are Buddhist (like me), Pagan, Jewish, etc. Who have different beliefs and do not have a book screaming at them that homosexuality is wrong. Are you going to rip away their religious freedoms just to impose your own bigot consumed views because you’ve taken up a cause? Try developing an argument without religious tones or support and you’ll see that the reasons to ban homosexual marriage are actually quite few and rather shaky at best. Or if you think the Bible should be used as evidence consider the following phrase "separation of church and state". Religious fueled exploits cannot determine legislation, it’s against the constitution… so you if don’t belief in religious equality, how about the rights of the individual, and if you don’t believe in that. Well, it’s time to find a new country because America is founded on this belief. Canada has it’s healthcare and peace, England has it’s monarchs and musical stars, and we dutifully have our rights and celebrated constitution.
As I mentioned before, my brother Angel came out of the closet and yes I did have a hard time coping at first. It’s hard looking at your brother and knowing that he won’t share the idyllic life that you’ve grown accustomed to as the norm. But I couldn’t just disown because I didn’t understand. He’s my adoptive flesh and blood and his happiness is one my greatest concerns. After thinking about his confession I came to one conclusion, there is one thing that overcome all the bias and legislative mistakes of those people who can’t or won’t understand. That’s love. Not the romantic kind that you feel for your other, but unconditional love that surpasses all barriers for your family and friends. Love is being able to look at your brother and say truthfully "I may not understand but you’re my brother, and I’ll always love and support you."
I appreciate my brother’s confession coming first, because when my best friend later confessed she was "bi". It was fine, I realized she was still my best friend, and that wouldn’t change, we can still hang out and check out guys and she can still tell me about all her crushes. I may not understand fully now, and I may never really understand what it’s like to be gay or bi, but I do strongly feel that they’re still people and as such have the very right to be happy and whole. If that means they want to marry someone of the same gender to reach that blissful happiness, I say go for it. No one should be able to legislate what is and is not acceptable to achieving happiness when it won’t hurt anyone in the long run.
In closing, before you judge the homosexual portion of our population, perhaps you should remember it’s not a contagious disease. Nor is it something that can be ‘cured’. It’s a feeling that can be repressed like hate or love, but it’s equally a feeling that should not have to be repressed in name of humanity. Homosexuals are just like Heterosexuals, they’re people with dreams, feelings, and wants and everyone deserves their own happy ending.

Up To Date - (A Smidget Late)

Hey everyone!
I just thought I should get you all caught up on how I’m doing and what not, seeing as how this blog has had barely ANY posts lately lol. I got in a tobogganing accident and sprained my wrist, blew some blood vessels in my right hand (writing hand, so now I can barely pick anything up or type geez), bruised up my legs and arms, and as a finale I got a lovely snow burn on my face. My friends/coworkers were more than sympathetic as JJ told me "You’re supposed to ride on the toboggan not run in front of it." And my manager wouldn’t stop laughing the entire time I was telling him, because he just couldn’t picture me as "one of those sporty types." Granted, I’m not, and I think this proves it lol.
JJ has been happily using up my minutes by calling/texting me at a rate of about $50 per two weeks in tracfone expenses. (This means that I’m talking to JJ more than my actual boyfriend, something that I doubt Artisan needs to or will ever find out….) But it also means my debit card balance has been staying happily below $700 --- which is not good. We didn’t get to our movie because of the large obnoxious snow storm which stranded him out of town on his farm, and me in town…. In the house --- gimpy. Not a great weekend but not actually bad either!
Artisan is officially working at Wal-Mart with me (not good.) I’m sure JJ and Artisan will duke it out until Artisan can get over his jealousy factor. (With JJ that may be more than a bit of a problem for Artisan). I’m still debating if I want to break it off yet… Mostly because I haven’t thought of a good break up line and two because I’m not sure if I actually want to break it off.
Dreading going back to school, after having so many days off and still not fully recuperated, I don’t think I’m going to be able to accomplish much… especially cramping up my right hand again trying to type this out lol. But seeing the friends and heading out to lunch with the crew is a more than welcome distraction to some bigger issues I really need to stop avoiding and just deal with.
Then again… I’m still a teenager… procrastination is my middle – last name.
That’s pretty much it! Love you all!
~Suki