Lost In Miskolczy 2

Without any hint of a warning, I suddenly felt the rather biting sting of a slap across a freshly brushed snout. The seemingly defeated human propped herself up, to glare at me squarely in the eyes, her breath was ragged and the steady beat of the human heart accelerated quite drastically. "So you’re not even going to eat me? You inconsiderate pig of a donkey! How dare you come waltzing up, growl and give me this grand hope of being eaten… and then tell me I’m too skinny? Well I’ll tell you what Mr. Furry Butt—" "HOLD ON A SECOND. That is a low blow for one thing, and for another… WHY are you mad I’m not going to eat you? This should be a good thing!" "NOT if you’re going to say it like THAT. I mean how would you like it if I came along and said, I’m not going to skin you because you’re coat is too shaggy? I’ve worked hard to keep my figure and you go and call me anorexic? What kind of inconsiderate thing is that? Didn’t your guardian ever teach you some common manners, like how to treat a lady? Just because you’re a big scary demon—" "There you go with the scary thing again! What is with you?! I have perfectly fine manners, thank you very much!" I puffed up, hoping she might get a bit frightened and shut up for a while, but she climbed to her feet, a great twig towering over me… A rather angry twig at that. "The LEAST you could do after you hurt my feelings is take me home, fatten me up, and then eat me… I mean I would make a good meal! Think of me as the Special-H diet.""Special H?" "Human. Duh." "What if I don’t want to eat you?" SLAP. My snout was thrumming in pain, I quite seriously considered whapping her back, but freshly filed claws were nothing to be risked on the first night out. With my luck they’d get stuck in her hard skull or something, and I’d have to explain to the elders why I had a human head stuck on my paw. It wasn’t a very appealing image, to be truthful. "I’m not good enough to be a meal anymore? Is it my eyes? My hair? Don’t tell me it’s my hips, I mean there are just some things you can’t help!" "Actually, I’m a vegetarian." "Oh for crying out loud, I can’t even get eaten because the ONE AND ONLY hope I have, is vegetarian. This is just so typical!" She flopped back down on the ground, grumbling and muttering to herself, fingers laced together in front of her face muffling the words. I assumed this was a good thing, considering what she was saying was probably very mean phrases about my ineptness when it came to eating humans. But really, humans are just a bit too stringy. The only good ones are locked away in palaces, why would anyone eat a bony little prisoner in the first place is quite beyond me.