ばらは大げさである - Part One

The sun beat down on heated bodies, cool waves of lake water lapped against bare feet as we sat perched on large river rocks silently watching the water dancing in the light breeze. Small insects buzzed and hummed almost melodically, dipping and swaying to inaudible waltzes, gently floating above the murky mirror. Sharpened juts of a rock forced us closer together in an attempt to remain comfortable, he watched with almost a bemused look as I slipped closer on the rocks while half heatedly muttering about clumsiness.
The sun slowly slipped into the gentle embrace of the horizon, a sweet sonnet of romance majestically radiated in the vibrant hues of dusk, a lingering temptation to slip into a long awaited embrace stirred within. Leaning on this masculine pillar of stability had become a beloved habit of sorts, but to do so now would revoke many social callings. I could hear him talking about his life, the calmed voice almost pruning some of the horrors, it was the darkest and most open gift he could think to give.
Children romped on the grassy hills before us, laughing at the brightly colored slides and characters, adorable imps dancing and parading their last in the fading sunlight before they would be whisked off to bed to dream of happy thoughts and prayers. We were both watching the same little boy, his giant smile and ecstatic energy seemed to beam from his small figure, an innocent voice ringing out in pure velocity.
I gazed back up at him, his eyes were clouded over with visions from the past, small voices of doubt and reason ringing in his ears. He continued again, his voice was hesitant and lacked the blunt German influence, a softer more diffident version suddenly gleaming before me in the fading daylight.
"I want to talk about something… but it’s kind of awkward."
My heart screamed out to be heard, I suddenly had hundreds of things I was dying to say, but none of them could even venture forth to begin to become a sentence. My palms suddenly grew slick with sweat, my mind raced, it felt as if every last inch of control had suddenly been lost… and the most terrifying thing about it, was that it was a more vulnerable side I was ready to let Mikhail see. To hide the tremors of my hands I quickly shoved them down behind me on the rock and looked steadily at him, ignoring the rampaging thoughts and panicked heartbeat. Trying desperately to focus just on his pure sentimentality and sensuality, the beautiful smile, and smooth acoustic voice.
"I want to try again, I know this may sound like rebound, but I really want to try again… "
A wave of relief swept over my body, every muscle suddenly relaxed, and the very thing I had been stressing far too much over, was mutual. I longed to be held in his arms and feel the sweet strength and hear his calming heartbeat, smell his mesmerizing cologne and just relax into a helpless child that I was. I was sick of being responsible, and for just one more minute I wanted the escape that I had felt so readily in his comforting embrace once more.
But I couldn’t move, it was as if every limb was chained to the rocks on which we perched and nothing could even begin to move closer. The only thing I could manage was a small smile; I couldn’t even begin to express how much I had longed to hear those words, sudden flashes of what it would be like to suddenly be able to run to him for endless comfort seemed so perfect. The pure simplicity and extacy of being able to lean on one another instead of trying to stand alone… having my significant other back by my side as so much more than a simple best friend.
"I’d really like that too."